Long time, no update. Trigger warning: Self harm.

I’ve been in a pretty crazy place and therefore no time or energy to update. I am reaching out now because I feel I have hit a low I haven’t seen in a long, long time. On top of a very difficult and painful fibromyalgia flare, work has been insane and my depression has hit an insane peak. Unfortunately, my partner is not at all understanding when I deal with this kind of shit. He tends to go on the defense and tell me I am just being manipulative if I confess any suicidal thoughts. As a result, I lost willpower and cut myself for the first time in 11 years. Sliced my thigh to hell. I am very disappointed in myself, but mostly just conflicted. I emailed my therapist right away. I haven’t been in to see her in months, been waiting for money to magically appear as my insurance will not cover her. I know I need to get back in immediately.

 

Have any of you had experiences with partners who have responded very poorly to such a dire situation? I do not know what to do. His daughter lives here with us so I need to proceed with caution though my gut says to ditch him. I will obviously run it by my therapist but I am feeling very desperate and very alone right now.

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5 comments on “Long time, no update. Trigger warning: Self harm.

  1. Jessie Henry says:

    I’ve had a few people who reached negatively when I was having a hard time. They felt threatened by a problem they felt helpless to solve, and reacted in anger. I don’t regret having left any of them. Find a man who will emotionally take care of you. You’re worth it.

  2. All I can say is to follow your heart but put yourself first. You are worthy of the love you crave. Sleep on it before you make your final decision. Soft hugs!

  3. Oh, Diagnosis…I so wish you would’ve reached out to me. I’d gone through a really rough patch around the same time! I think we could’ve used each other’s shoulders. I’m doing much better now and I’m catching up with your blog too. I’d been under the radar when it came to checking some of my blogging friends blogs. Keep my email handy just in case. Hugs. Eva

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