I’ve lost myself. I truly feel that. Over the years I have spent struggling with my illnesses, pains, stress, anxiety, I have completely lost who I am. This is a story of earning myself back.
My experience is not unique, unfortunately. There are many people who suffer and get passed around the medical industry, no one wants to take these things on. The judgmental glances of the disbelieving, the accusatory glares of the doctors who label you a drug-seeker, friends who roll their eyes, you’re just another hypochondriac.
I’m trying to keep myself as anonymous as possible, because I am just like everyone else in my position. I also fear the backlash of the truth getting out there; I have lost a job due to the crippling aspects of my conditions. I have grown very distrustful of many people, including those I work with.
And this isn’t just my story. This is the story of everyone I can find who struggles with chronic illness. I want to hear from you. I want to reach out and grasp those who understand.
Where does it all begin? It’s hard to pinpoint the beginning. Maybe I’ll relate my story backwards.
As of now, I have reached a diagnosis of traumatic onset fibromyalgia. This is in addition to sleep apnea, Raynaud’s Syndrome, plantar fasciitis, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, TMJ disorder with a large helping of chronic pain, tension, and slipping ribs.
There might be more I am forgetting! So. Where I am at now: waiting for a battery of blood test results along with saliva and urine tests, seems every new doctor wants new tests run. An MRI is scheduled for next week, my new doctor has a theory regarding my fibromyalgia: a bulging disc. I did have a bulging disc five years ago. He asked me if it was healed. I quickly answered “yes” but on second thought…how would I know? I never had a follow up MRI.
I’ll go more in depth with other things for now, but this is my general introduction, just to get something out there. I am hoping this blog will serve as an outlet for me, a way to track my symptoms, a way to reach out to others. I would love to hear from anyone with any kind of chronic issues or problems that have proved difficult to understand. I would like to stir up discussion. I know I have a hard time talking to most friends about these problems because a lot of people do not understand. I don’t want to seem like I am complaining, though sometimes I am, and sometimes it’s necessary!
Feel free to get in touch.